Frequently Asked Questions

Why are my parents getting divorced?
Your parents have decided that they do not wish to be married anymore. This could be for a variety of different reasons, but you are not one of those reasons. Their divorce is NOT your fault.
Where am I going to live?
In most cases children live with both parents on an alternating schedule. Your parents will work to create a schedule that best fits your activity and school schedule. These living schedules can vary wildly based on where your parents are living, how busy they are with work, and where your activities fall.
Am I going to have to move schools?
If your parents move further away from your current school, you might have to change. Your parents will try to work out a schedule that works best for you. This may include a new school that is closer to your parents’ new location.
Will I still see my friends?
Hopefully, you can keep seeing your friends. Your parents may or may not move away, so it may become harder for you to hang out with your friends. That being said, you can stay in contact with them and try to organize time to hang out on the weekends or online.
Will I have to go to court?
In most cases you will not go to court. Most judges won’t even allow you to testify or come into the courtroom. Try to stay out of your parents’ divorce and avoid being caught in the middle. If you want to talk to the judge about your custody preferences, your parents or the court may ask for a Child and Family Investigator or CFI. A CFI is an investigator who makes recommendations involving the child’s best interests.
What is my relationship going to be with my parents?
Your relationship with your parents moving forwards is not completely up to you, but you have control over how you communicate and respond. You can continue to hang out, talk, watch movies, play games, hike, and do other activities with your parents. Responding in calm, respectful manners is important, but expressing your emotions is just as equally important. A therapist is a great person to have conversations and ask for help as you go through this event. You can rely on them for advice on how your relationship with your parents is and will continue to be. However, just because they got divorced doesn’t mean you should be rude or distant, they are still your parents. Remember their problems should not be your problems.

External Resources

Websites
Custody Change – List of custody schedules
Teens Advisor – Dealing with your parents divorce
Kids First Iowa – General information about divorce
BetterLyf – 10 way to deal with step-parents
Help Guide – How your parents can try and help you through divorce
FindLaw – More information on how the legal side of divorce with children works

Books
What in the World Do You Do When Your Parents Divorce? A Survival Guide For Kids – by Kent Winchester
The Divorce Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Move Beyond the Breakup – by Lisa M. Schab
How I Feel: Grief Journal for Kids – by Mia Roldan
The Divorce Journal For Kids – by Sue Atkins
Now What Do I Do? – by Lynn Cassella-Kapusinski
I Have Two Homes – by Marian De Smet
Here and There – by Tamara Ellis Smith
Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster? – by Anthony E. Wolf

Word Definitions

Affinity: relationship by marriage or a natural liking for a person, thing, or idea. For example, a parent has an affinity with their child and vice versa. A child likes to hike with one parent and play a sport with the other.

Alimony: Financial support that a person is ordered by a court to give to their spouse during separation or following divorce

Child and Family Investigator (CFI): A neutral third-party that helps in cases concerning parental responsibilities.

Child Support: Court-ordered payments that a parent must pay to another person to support their children

Custody: The parental guardianship or care of a child

Decree: A legal document that marks the legal ending of a marriage

Dissolution: The legal ending of a marriage

Divorce: The ending of a marriage recognized by law

Mediation: A meeting that gives a chance for parents to resolve disagreements about their divorce

Support Groups & Therapy

If you're in emotional distress or worried about your safety, please connect with a trusted adult, a crisis hotline or call 911. Support is available anytime.

Resilience 1220

Suicide Hotline: 988

Support Group for Navigating Through Divorce

Therapy for Kids

Child of Divorce

Crisis Hotline

Counseling For Kids Whose Parents Are Divorcing

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